http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/ en mrwarren@gmail.com Copyright 2010 2010-03-10T16:25:14+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/does_same-sex_attraction_mean_youre_gay_or_bi/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/does_same-sex_attraction_mean_youre_gay_or_bi/#When:16:25:14Z Editor’s Web Note: If there is ever a topic that I get boatloads of mail about, it is this. The mail is mostly from girls. If there is ever an topic that I think our culture has it’s head in the sand on, it is in being able to talk frankly about sexual orientation without politicizing (and thus shutting down) the conversation. Whereas most gay people report the feeling being inborn, the current wave of female bisexuality appears, as well as I can currently understand it, to be driven by social influences — the obvious one being the overnight sensation of pornography-gone-mainstream. Which leads to another topic nobody can talk about without flat-out name-calling. (Prude! Slut! Addict!) But if we can’t have earnest, non-judgmental, truth-seeking discourse about the biggest sexual revolution since the 1960s — and how Big Porn appears to be running the show — that’s just plain dumb. I am the first to admit that I have a lot to learn, so please let me hear from you. — Lauren ForcellaDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m a girl and when I see other girls with attractive bodies nude, I sometimes feel a physical attraction. This includes my stepsister with whom I sometimes share a room. She undresses in front of me and has no idea I get these feelings. I like boys and have dated, but I don’t have a steady boyfriend. I have never acted on these feelings toward girls and doubt I ever would, but they scare me and I can’t make them go away. Does feeling physically attracted to someone of the same sex necessarily mean you are gay or bisexual? — Worried in Anaheim, Calif. Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans, Sex - In General, Pornography , Sex Education, Bisexuality 2010-03-10T16:25:14+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/do_electronic_distractions_make_you_dumb/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/do_electronic_distractions_make_you_dumb/#When:18:56:22Z Editor’s Web Note: Talk about brain drain. Multi-tasking is the biggest mass waste of our evolved brain to date. As you see from the Hewlett Packard-commissioned study that I cite below, constant tending to emails, texts, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc., while you’re trying to work makes you twice as dumb as if you smoked a joint. Or didn’t sleep at all the night before. Parents need to insist on electronic-free homework time for their kids. In addition to better grades, they will feel less stressed. — Lauren ForcellaDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m a junior and my grades are suffering. My dad says it’s because I’m on Facebook and listening to music while I do homework. I don’t know what to believe. All of my friends do it and their parents never say anything. I have a C- in almost all my classes. Is it really that I’m just distracted when I’m doing my homework? — Kelly Family Life - In General, Media - In General, Cell Phones (see also Driving), Internet & Social Networking, Music, School - In General, College, Reading 2010-03-03T18:56:22+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/best_friend_has_two_moms/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/best_friend_has_two_moms/#When:21:27:41Z Editor’s Web Note: The biggest sexual revolution since the sixties is taking place right now. We went from the generation of free love to the generation of pan-sexuality. Not that most young people are taking part, but there is enough happening that many parents are paranoid of social factors that could lead their child to “fly to the other tree.” After the panelists express their views (most being incredulous that there is even a fuss about this), I offer a “middle way” for parents to address this topic productively. — LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My best friend, Karen, has two moms instead of a mom and a dad. Because of this, my mom won’t let me spend the night at her house. My mom doesn’t have a problem with me there in the daytime, but she is “not comfortable” with me spending the night in “such a household.” Karen’s moms are very nice people. One is a lawyer and the other is a college professor. They have been together 20 years (much longer than my parent’s marriage lasted) and got married last year when it was legal in California. My mom admits she’s not worried they would try something sexual with me. So what is she worried about? And how can I convince her not to? — Candace Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans, Homophobia, The Sex Talk (see also Sex) 2010-02-24T21:27:41+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/mom_flips_out_when_twins_want_to_enlist/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/mom_flips_out_when_twins_want_to_enlist/#When:17:57:39Z Editor’s Web Note: I am an advocate of mandatory national service with non-military options (see our column of Dec. 31, 2008). I know several young people, including some on this panel, who have dual citizenship in Europe. When they turn 18, they readily return to put in their service. Most young adults are eager to learn new skills, get in shape, and contribute to something larger. Take these twins, for example. If there were more non-military programs in place with equally sexy recruitment efforts as put forth by the military, the lives of young adults and the state of our country would be improved — and parents wouldn’t feel like ripping down the posters. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My twin sister and I are very interested in joining the military when we graduate from high school in June. The recruiter said we can be together during training and service which is important as we are close. Our parents are opposed and want us to go to college first. They say that females as well as males are sent to war and killed. But where would this country be if nobody risked their life? We put up a military poster in our room that the recruiter gave us and Mom tore it down and threw it in the trash. This really made us mad. Are we wrong to want to serve our country? — Debbie Draft/National Service 2010-02-17T17:57:39+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/bullying_will_continue_until_boys_demand_justice/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/bullying_will_continue_until_boys_demand_justice/#When:16:22:01Z Editor’s Web Note: This column tells the deeper story of how poorly bullying is being addressed on our campuses. The fact that only a third of the panelists strongly advise taking the problem to authorities (and this from a safe write-in perspective; on the ground, I imagine the numbers drop almost to zero), tells you the lack of leadership/resources at the top to take swift action against bullies. Our schools need community and parental support. Looking for a way to serve? Bullying needs addressing at all levels, from prevention to enforcement. — LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am a short, small-boned sophomore with a high-pitched voice. I’m terrible at sports and PE is a nightmare. The friend I hang out with is also small. Some macho guys have started rumors that we’re gay and now everyone in school believes it. Our PE teacher has even made comments to this effect which compounds the problem. We are shunned and have been physically attacked because of this. We are not gay. We are interested in girls, but they aren’t interested in us. When I say I’m not gay they just laugh and say, “Then who is your girlfriend?” We are both A students and keep telling ourselves we will succeed where some of these losers will not. However, it is still a terrible situation for us. What can we do? — Small Town, Northern Calif. Mistaken Identity, Bullying 2010-02-10T16:22:01+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/is_16_too_young_to_know_true_love/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/is_16_too_young_to_know_true_love/#When:20:58:38Z Editor’s Web Note: True love. Everyone wants it, but few experience it in a lasting format. Please use the write-to-us form or the comment section below to send us your stories of true love: How you recognized it, what obstacles you had to overcome to make it real (both external and within yourself), and what you did to keep it alive. To love, LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: Is 16 too young to know if you’re truly in love? My boyfriend “Jackson” and I both feel we are truly in love. We want to spend the rest of our lives together. We realize it will be a few years before we can marry. My older sister says I’m way too young for these feelings and that I need to be older and more mature (like her) to really understand. She’s 17. I have a large picture of Jackson in our room and when she has friends over she says, “That’s Rachel’s true love forever,” and they all laugh. Can’t you be truly in love at my age? — TRUE LOVE, Healdsburg, Calif. Love 2010-02-03T20:58:38+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/will_searching_for_birth_parents_hurt_real_parents/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/will_searching_for_birth_parents_hurt_real_parents/#When:20:11:12Z Editor’s Web Note: I recently met someone in his fifties who just learned he was adopted when his mother let it slip accidentally. She started bawling. He finally had the missing puzzle pieces. We’ve come a long way in understanding the importance of an adopted child grasping cognitively the loss he or she feels within the body — and that it’s normal to yearn for the womb from which we began our journey. If you know an adopted person of any age, give them some extra warmth when you see them. Whatever the setting, they always could use more reminding that they “belong.” — LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My sister and I are both adopted. Nothing will ever change the fact that our adopted parents are our “real” parents and we are “real” sisters. However, now that we are teenagers, we are curious about meeting our natural parents. We have done research on the Internet but we feel guilty going behind our parents’ back. We don’t want to hurt them. We understand the importance of learning about hereditary medical conditions, but that’s not our main reason for wanting to find them. We appreciate your advice. — Adopted Adoption 2010-01-27T20:11:12+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/avatar_blues_fans_long_for_connection_to_nature/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/avatar_blues_fans_long_for_connection_to_nature/#When:21:03:56Z Editor’s Web Note: Could humans finally be weary of violence and exploitation? As of today’s date, the sci-fi film “Avatar” holds the spot for the second-highest grossing film ever made. For all the complaints from the intellectual community and the Christian right, Cameron makes a spiritual life of peace and ecological balance look sumptuously fulfilling. If it wasn’t for “abandonment guilt”, most young people would head to Pandora in a hot second. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I have a grandnephew, 15, from Kentucky and a grandson, 16, from California. Both say “Avatar” is the best movie they’ve ever seen. When I asked why, I expected to hear about the amazing graphics. But they surprised me saying it was the storyline. Independently, they both mentioned the scene where the princess blesses the animal before killing it and the scene where Jake Sully is accepted into the tribe by all the linked hands. I’m interested in how other young people were impacted by this film. — John Wood, Carmichael, Calif. Media - In General, Optimum World, Politics - In General, Religion & Spirituality, Work, Depression & Mental Health, Fighting & Violence, Racism 2010-01-20T21:03:56+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/friends_with_benefits_at_corner_of_heartbreak_and_pain/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/friends_with_benefits_at_corner_of_heartbreak_and_pain/#When:18:20:06Z Editor’s Web Note: “Friends with benefits” is the new term for what used to be called a “relationship of convenience.” Though these “friendly” and “convenient” relationships have occurred throughout history, never have they been more mainstream or more lacking in shame. Nonetheless, today’s girls are no better at separating love from sex than their female predecessors. These relationships continue to involve heartache in the girls and lack of attachment in the boys. Love is, apparently, still what people are looking for. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: A boy I like asked if I wanted to be “friends with benefits” instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re both 18, seniors in high school, and I use birth control and condoms. What I’m wondering is, is he just too lazy to have a girlfriend, or does he plan on having friends-with-benefits relationships with other girls, too? He says he’s not the type to do that—but he totally is! I know these relationships usually lead to heartbreak, but I really like this guy and want so badly to believe him. What should I do?—Roseville, Calif. Relationships - In General, Sex - In General, Stress 2010-01-13T18:20:06+00:00 http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/millennials_might_be_next_greatest_generation/ http://straighttalk.ehclients.com/index.php/column/entry/millennials_might_be_next_greatest_generation/#When:20:04:59Z Editor’s Web Note: I get so excited about this generation. They are the most socially tolerant, emotionally aware, and loving generation this country has known. Perhaps it is due to a childhood free of physical violence (most Boomer parents didn’t spank) that allowed their hearts to expand instead of contract. They don’t even know how amazing they are. Most are seriously puzzled by why anyone would think something is wrong with a black or female president, or two people of the same sex being in love and getting married. It doesn’t occur to them that this should be something to fear. It is truly an honor to work with them. —LaurenDEAR READERS: What’s wrong with the world? How can we improve it? Here is Part II of the panel’s vision for 2010. As I said last week, the Millennial Generation are old souls when it comes to understanding root causes and psychological processes—and knowing that lasting change springs from within. They care deeply for each other, their parents and “the other”—probably more than any other generation. Kurt Andersen, in his book “Reset” says that if Millennials can “keep their sense of entitlement in check, they might just turn out to be the next Greatest Generation.” That I can believe.—Lauren Driving - In General, Cell Phones, Family Life - In General, Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans, Media - In General, Optimum World, Politics - In General, Sex Education, Suicide, Bullying, Rudeness 2010-01-06T20:04:59+00:00