- Nov 11
- 2009
Editor’s Web Note: This column is dedicated to all who have ever had a broken heart. — Lauren
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’ve had a crush on “Kaz” since last year. We’re both freshmen. You could say I’m pretty obsessed over him. He’s really sweet, and doesn’t seem to mind that I like hanging around him. We’ve even talked about intimate stuff such as depressing situations in my life, and his family’s divorce. The problem is, the only way we talk is if I start the conversation first — otherwise he won’t notice I’m there. Plus, he doesn’t seem as cheerful as when he is talking to his other friends. Sometimes I wonder if he makes up excuses to cut the conversation off, such as, “I have a massive headache today (he got hit in the head recently),” “I’m not feeling well (he’d been out a couple of days),” “I have homework (books in hand),” or “I need to talk to someone (runs off)”. They sound logical, but the girls in my class tell me to let him go because he’s a jerk to me. What do you think? — Irvine, CA
Comments
-
It doesn’t sound to me like he’s being a jerk. It sounds like the opposite. You have a crush on him, but he’s not nearly as interested in you (which is not his fault) and he’s trying to politely send you that message. There’s no “good” way to tell someone you’re not interested in them without them feeling hurt, but it sounds like he’s trying to do the best he can. Nearly everybody goes through rejection at some time or another. I know that I have, and some girls have not been very nice about it. I once read an article that said that “lost love” is by far the most common topic of hit songs going back to the 1930’s and continuing to today because it’s something nearly everybody identifies with. My sister still can’t get over being rejected by her boyfriend six months ago. She still keeps his picture up in our room and is depressed and hard to be around. I think that as hard as it may be, you have to get over it and move on.
Dan
-
The wisest advice I ever got: step back and WATCH how this guy treats you over a period of time. Do not justify his behavior or let him off the hook in any way, just the cold, hard facts. Just notice how he really truly treats you. It sounds like you’ve already done this and the scoreboard isn’t looking too good. If you need to do a “Plus” and “Minus” list, so you can see which side wins. How does he make you feel about yourself? Rejected? Insecure? Worthless? Hopeless? Desperate? Don’t mentally cut him any slack. You already know the answer to your dilemma. You’ve already invested a year of your real life (365 days!+) imagining some type of relationship with this guy who isn’t there for you, even as a good friend would be.
“He sounds like an illusion. Illusions are dangerous people. They have no flaws.”
This quote is from the movie remake of “Sabrina” (Harrison Ford, Greg Kinnear version). In the movie, an older, wiser co-worker notices how stuck Sabrina is on someone who doesn’t even know she’s alive and can’t connect with a real guy who likes her and wants to get to know her. Please don’t be a “Sabrina”!
-
Minor point: the phrase “‘Tis better to have loved and lost/ Than never to have loved at all” referred to the loss of a platonic, same-sex former school friend, not a romantic partner.
Major point: the writer was not Shakespeare; it was Alfred, Lord Tennyson. The poem is called “In Memoriam A.H.H.” but commonly called just “In Memoriam.”
-
Whoops! My apologies to Alfred Lord Tennyson—and my dear readers. Thank you, Jennifer, for the correction. You are right on both points.
4 Comments- Add yours